My fellow Mad-Scientist Americans,

 

The European Commission recently launched a public campaign aimed at getting girls interested in science. Their tactic? Add some pink ribbons and declare that “it’s a girl thing.” It’s sassy, cloying, and kind of annoying. Is this the right way to go?

It’s no secret that women are still not equally represented in scientific fields, despite the fact that women own half of the best brains on the planet (and maybe more, depending on whom you talk to).

 

Digression

Actually, there is one exception to science fields lacking a feminine touch: medical science. Medical schools (and, indeed, all colleges across this country) are seeing a huge imbalance of qualified female applicants.

Why are boys trailing behind in preparedness for higher education? Some pundits argue that we, as a society, tolerate much more goofing-off from male children and hold them to a lower standard. Others suggest that boys are, by nature, poorly geared for the passive learning expected in many of our classrooms today. Or that boys are more distracted by video games, sports, and other pass-times that drag down academic efforts.

Well, that’s a topic for another post, but I wanted to bring it up because it shows that despite the disproportionately HIGH number of qualified female students, we’re still seeing a disproportionately LOW number going for math and science degrees. The numbers are getting better, but they’re still not satisfactory.

 

Back to the issue

So the question is, how do we get more girls interested into science?

I’ll admit, equalizing gender participation in science was an ulterior motive when I wrote Mad Science Institute, which is why I created strong female characters who were on equal footing with their male counterparts in the realm of science. Others have attempted to popularize the notion in similar ways, such as Claudia the hacker from Warehouse 13 or Amy Farrah Fowler from The Big Bang Theory, or… um… hmmm. I’m coming up with blanks. I’m sure there must be plenty more examples, right? Help me think of some!

 

The real question(s)

The real question might be: what keeps girls out of science in the first place? Are they learning unspoken prejudices from their parents and teachers? Do they simply lack role-models in scientific fields? If we could answer that, we’d be much better of

But the even more real question might be: how do we get MORE kids of BOTH GENDERS into science? In The World is Flat, Thomas Friedman points out America’s acute need for scientists and engineers. Tech firms aren’t hiring foreign workers because they want to, they’re hiring them because America isn’t supplying enough of its own brain-power any more.

 

If elected president…

Science education—and, indeed, all education—will become THE central focus of my administration. Why aren’t the other candidates discussing the gender gap in science careers—or the general gap in science careers for both genders? Write to your favorite politician to ask them about this issue. If they aren’t willing to address this, it’s time to find a new candidate.

AMERICA CAN’T AFFORD TO IGNORE ITS (future) MAD SCIENTISTS ANY LONGER

 

Be sure to follow the RSS feed to keep up on all the mad science-y goodness!

 This was a guest post I wrote for Darcy Town’s Navigator’s and Demons

Red Dwarf changed my life. Well, not in a huge way: I mean, I didn’t move to Fiji, get a sheep and a cow and breed horses. But it really opened my mind to what science fiction can be.

For those of you who don’t know about this show, do yourself a favor and put the first five or six seasons into your Netflix queue right away. Watch it before you read any further. It’s okay, I’ll wait right here for you to get back.

Okay, now that we got rid of the noobs, let’s get personal. The first time I saw Red Dwarf I was 15 years old and prior to that the only science fiction I had experienced were space epics. Star wars. Star Trek. Star Search. Okay, not the last one, but you get the idea.

What made Red Dwarf different? It was funny. And it was science fiction. At the same time. Mind: Blown.

Read the rest of this article on Navigators and Demons

I’m a mad scientist, and I want to be your president*

Not for the first time, China is being a huge buzzkill. No, this time it isn’t as bad as their imperialistic agenda in Tibet or their involvement in the Darfur genocide, but still pretty annoying if you ask me. This time, they’re trying to boss around the fabric of spacetime.

About a year ago, China officially banned all movie and television shows about time travel. The reason? It’s “disrespectful to history.” The real reason? Some high-level member of the ruling party probably got bent out of shape when he couldn’t get a refund for his ticket to Timecop staring Jean Claude Van Damme.

Now, the Chinese are a people who love history, and I truly respect them for it. In fact, I believe our country could benefit from a similar veneration of our past rather than trying to re-write Wikipedia every time Sarah Pailin makes up stuff about Paul Revere.

But imagine living in a nation without Terminator, Back to the Future, or Dr. Who. China’s policy is clearly an act of overt oppression against their mad science population.

To make matters worse, about two months after this declaration, researchers at a university in Hong Kong announced that they had disproved time travel http://www.ibtimes.com/articles/186999/20110726/time-travel-impossible-hong-kong-scientists-speed-of-light.htm . Well, they hadn’t— they only disproved photons moving faster than the speed of light. But the Chinese turned the whole thing into a big propaganda hoopla about how their wise and glorious leaders were correctly defending the people from frivolous, imaginary ideas.

Ideology vs. Discovery

My real beef is this: I don’t like political ideology dictating what people should or shouldn’t watch, or what they should or shouldn’t research, and certainly not what they should or shouldn’t imagine.

To China, I say: go ahead and ban time travel. Might as well stop trying to figure out how time works, too, because even if time travel really  isn’t possible, exploring the possibilities will still improve our knowledge of how the universe works. Then, when one of your scientists makes a huge breakthrough, they will have to hide it for fear of embarrassing their supposedly infallible leaders. Or, better, yet, they can just defect to the United States, because our country is awesome and you know it.

Ain’t no Party like a Time Travel Party

If a time machine is invented while I’m in office, I promise not to misuse it. Instead, I’m going to throw a party with the greatest minds in history, including Socrates, DaVinci, and Bill & Ted of Wyld Stallyns. You’re all invited, too, but nobody in the Chinese government gets to come.

AMERICA CAN’T AFFORD TO IGNORE ITS MAD SCIENTISTS ANY LONGER (and neither should China)

 

 Be sure to follow this RSS feed to keep up on the Mad Science campaign tour!

*I’m not really a scientist or a politician. This is a work of social satire. Don’t actually vote for me: if I really wanted your vote, I’d just use my mind-control ray.

I’m a mad scientist, and I want to be your president.*

Not long ago, a school not too far from me closed down for two days because 10% of their students were out sick with pertussis, an illness better known as whooping cough.

I have one simple question: Are they frakking idiots?

Never mind, I already know the answer. I don’t object to closing their doors—sometimes it’s necessary to quarantine potentially deadly, highly infectious diseases such as pertussis, Ebola, and ignorance. My objection is that there is a vaccine for whooping cough, which means that we could eradicate this disease from the face of the earth, totally and forever, the way we laid the smackdown on smallpox. But we haven’t.

 

Gambling the Lives of Babies?

The fact that so many students got sick was because at least that many weren’t immunized. That is just plain stupid, because even if you don’t mind the cough yourself, pertussis can be fatal if it is passed on to young children. That means every single parent at that school was gambling the lives of babies.

I’m against baby-gambling, whether it be through illness or through a bookie. I’m going out on a limb to say it’s wrong.

 

Denial of Science = Sickness

Now, I’m not such a vaccine-freak that I’m going to call you a bad person if you don’t get a flu shot every single year (The CDC recommends it, but the flu isn’t too bad as these things go, so have fun with it). What really concerns me is the denialists who think that vaccines—all vaccines—are more dangerous than the diseases they prevent.

The problem is that a few years ago some loud-mouth blow-hards made a big stink about vaccinations being dangerous. Well, take it from this loud-mouthed blow-hard: their claims were based on faulty data. Vaccines have been rigorously tested and there’s no evidence that they cause autism or mind-control or whatever they claim is supposed to happen. One thing is clear: vaccines sure as heck cause a lot less harm than polio, small pocks, and all the other bad oogies that they prevent.

Pen & Teller say the same thing in a more amusing way.  (Pen & Teller also endorse my candidacy… or, I’m pretty sure they would if I ever asked them. I’d vote for them, so it only seems fair.)

What we need is a president who will stand up for a service campaign to re-educate the public. I am that candidate. In fact, I’ll even go one better: I want to declare genocidal war on disease. If we can immunize against it, we can drive it into extinction.

Until there’s a cure for ignorance, there’s a prevention for pertussis.

If you have a baby, know someone with a baby, or know someone who might be breathing anywhere near someone who might know someone with a baby, then please get yourself immunized. It’s cheap: even without insurance it’s usually about $30 and most plans cover it completely. It only takes a few minutes and you can do so at almost any pharmacy.

Please, think about the children. If we can’t pull together to combat something we have a vaccine for, then how are we going to combat the zombie plague?

AMERICA CAN’T AFFORD TO IGNORE ITS MAD SCIENTISTS ANY LONGER.

Be sure to follow this RSS feed to keep up on the Mad Science campaign tour! The road to the White House shall be paved by robots.

*I’m not really a scientist or a politician. This is a work of social satire. Don’t actually vote for me: if I really wanted your vote, I’d just use my mind-control ray.

You ever heard of a guy named Nikola Tesla? Most people haven’t, unless you’ve played an RPG or read a steampunk book in the past decade. So let me ask you this: Have you ever plugged an appliance into the wall? Have you ever communicated with a wireless device? Do you enjoy having electricity delivered to your home via wires instead of having to keep a noisy, smelly generator coughing up greenhouse gasses in your garage?

If you answered yes to any of the last three questions, then you have Nikola Tesla to thank. He invented AC current, which is what runs the world. Oh, and he also pioneered radio, robotics, x-rays, and more. Without him, the 20^th century would have looked a lot like the 19^th, and our century might have been equally boring.

Want to know more?

I recommend reading Wizard: The Life and Times of Nikola Tesla by Marc Seifer or Tesla: Man Out of Time by Margaret Cheney. Or you could read The Oatmeal’s short version of his amazing biography.

It’s frustrating that Nikola Tesla’s inventions are at the heart of almost every piece of technology we know and enjoy today, and yet history seems to have forgotten him. Next to him, Edison kind of comes off looking like a money-grubbing hack who electrocuted animals to promote his own patents. (It’s true about the animals—read the Oatmeal’s bio of Tesla to find out why.)

If elected president

I vow to urge school textbook makers to include proper recognition of this eccentric genius. I’d also really like to clone Tesla and make him my vice president, but that’s sort of a “legacy” move, so I’ll leave that to my second term.

A VOTE FOR MAD SCIENCE IS A VOTE FOR A MORE EXCITING FUTURE.

*I’m not really a scientist or a politician. This is a work of social satire. Don’t actually vote for me: if I really wanted your vote, I’d just use my mind-control ray.

 Be sure to follow this RSS feed to keep up on the Mad Science campaign tour! The road to the White House shall be paved by robots.

I’m a mad scientist, and I need a running mate.

I am currently vetting potential vice-presidential candidates to accompany me on the road to the White House. I started by talking to Sammy, who was featured in the rollicking sci-fi adventure Wastes of Space by Darcy Town. Here’s how the interview went.

 A word of warning: for a spaceship, Sammy has a heck of a mouth. Parental discretion is advised.

 

The omni-talented Darcy Town wrote a book about you. What can you tell us about yourself and that book?

Of course she wrote a book about me, my life is too good not to write about.  And thanks for considering me for your vice, heh…vice, by the way.  I’m the obvious choice, and it’s great that a guy like you can see that.  That gives me a good feeling about this future partnership.  I’m all about recognizing potential.  Like mypotential.  I’m a natural candidate, basically bred for this prez shit.  My father’s the current president of the American Empire, if you didn’t know that, but I bet you knew that.

Don’t get me wrong, he’s a total douche, but he’s been a great example of what not to do…like be a lame fascist.  If you’re going to be a fascist be awesome about it.  That’s one of my mottos, trademarked and shit.

Total American hero right here, full package.  Astronaut…check.  Hot babe…check.  Can multitask like a boss…check.  Yeah that’s all I need, right?  Right.

I should probably mention that I’m currently a ship.  That’s right; my brain is running a spaceship.  My fleshy body is sort of…in a coma right now, but that’s just small details.  Really, it’s not even a detail.  It is a tiny footnote that no one will even notice.  I promise.  And I’m going to be healed soon anyways.

Don’t forget to mention that I have a hot girlfriend.  Make sure everyone knows that.  She has a giant rack, huge titties.  She’ll be great for TV ratings.

 

America faces many threats, ranging from disjointed terrorist cells to rising military powers in Asia and Europe. If elected, how would you respond to these threats?

Nuke them from orbit.  It’s the only way to be sure.  Wait, that’s not popular to do anymore.  Never mind.  New solution from my computer brain to be forthcoming…

 

Reports indicate that the economy is recovering, but not quickly. What would you do to fix America’s money woes?

Ah!  Solution to the previous problem also solves this problem!  Listen up…Gladiator-style death arenas for the terrorist cells.  It’ll be televised.  We’ll sell advertising spots and put it at prime time.  A moneymaker that saves the world?  That’s the American way…the right way

 

What is your stance on global climate change and what, if anything, should we do to prepare for it?

Global climate change?  That sounds bad, but I have a friend that’ll handle that problem.  He’s a Terraformer, deserts to rainforests in a snap of his green fingers.  Climates?  No big deal.  Earth woes solved.  But only if I’m elected.  He comes with me.  Package deal, man.

 

Education is a topic that is important to nearly all voting mad scientists. Many politicians talk about this, but few seem willing to make any changes. What would you like to do with America’s youth?

Fucking force those bitches into cadet school, every single one of them.  You want to be rad?  Get educated.  Fail your classes?  Corporal punishment.

I was trained since I was six years old, taken away to live on an airbase in Texas and I turned out perfect.  So I say we replace these public schools with military branches.  Train the kids to grow up and be soldiers.  Smart soldiers of course.

 

Recent hot-button issues such as gay marriage and military service have brought homosexual civil rights to the center of the American political arena. What is your stance on these issues?

Seeing as how I am a chick, I like to bang chicks, and I enjoy watching other chicks bang chicks; it’s a topic real close to my heart.  Not to mention my best little buddy is gayer than a fruitcake for men.  Actually, I think half of my squad is less than straight in some way or another and one of them is a virgin if you can believe that shit.  So…I’m all about sexiness everywhere and in everything.  People need to chill out about marriage and let everyone just do their own thing and be happy.  Seriously, bigger issues out there…like China, Russia, and the aliens surrounding our planet.  Those have to be dealt with.  Am I right?  No need to answer.  I know I’m right.

 

If you were a dinosaur, what kind of dinosaur would you be and why?

This is the best question.  I would have said Tyrannosaurus until I became a ship.  Being a ship has really changed my perspective.  For one, it’s fucking rad.  I’ll pick a Pterodactyl, but I’d be better than a regular one.  I’d be huge and I’d eat all the other winged guys.  Oh, and I’d drop rocks on the T-Rex…no one gets to be bigger than me.

New Earth, one nation under Sammy!

 

What do you think, world: would Sammy make a good running mate for a mad scientist?

Want to read more about Sammy? Check out Wastes of Space

If want more from Darcy Town, check out her blog and her Facebook page.

 

 

I’m a mad scientist, and I want to be your president*

On this day of July 4^th, I hope you have a chance to celebrate the birth of our nation with your loved ones, grilled food, and some spectacular explosions. I would also ask that you consider the greatness of our country, and how we can make it even better.

For more than seventy years, America—and indeed the world—has been held back by relentless gridlock between two powerful factions governing our lives. No, I’m not talking about the petty squabbling between Democrats and Republicans—that doesn’t really matter because after I declare myself emperor I will dissolve the parties and… wait, I mean, I LOVE democracy and… oh, sticklebats. I shouldn’t have said that. Where’s my memory-erasing ray? Ah:

ZOT!

Now that you’re blissfully unaware of what I just said, let me get to the point: General Relativity and Quantum Mechanics have been at odds for too long. The trouble is that these theories simply refuse to co-exist. Relativity, Einstein’s ground-breaking discovery, governs things of vast size and speed, such as planets, stars, and rays of light. Quantum Mechanics oversees much smaller matters, zeroing in on issues that even atoms would need magnifying glasses to perceive. According to each theory, the other cannot work. But they both do.

 

I think I speak for all Americans when I say: WTF?

Normally, these two explanations of the universe are perfectly happy so long as they’re segregated, but in places that are infinitely massive and infinitely small—that is, black holes—they come together in a way we currently can’t explain.

This has led to cheap jabs and name-calling. “God doesn’t play dice with the universe,” Einstein famously said to deride quantum mechanics. “Read the data and weep, fuzzy-head,” Richard Feynman probably didn’t respond.

Isn’t it time we moved past this segregation of cosmic mechanics? It indicates that there’s something that both parties are missing, some critical element in our understanding of the universe that we have yet to achieve. When we figure it out, there’s no telling what it might unlock. Teleportation? Free energy? Parallel universes where Michael Bay movies are intellectually stimulating? The potentials are thrilling.

 

Boson-envy

In order to figure it out, we’re probably going to need a great big particle collider. I mean really big—so big, it’ll give the good people at CERN boson-envy.

The trouble is that the U.S. currently has no plans for making a super-collider or much of anything else that can help us plumb the mysteries of the universe. We’re also making pitifully poor advances in fusion and other super-science that could help build these colliders as well as fix the energy crisis for the common citizen. Research towards these goals will improve our future and provide jobs today.

You want spectacular explosions that will really celebrate the greatness of this nation? Then let’s get cracking on a new particle accelerator. When elected, I will reach across the aisle and help bring these two theories together. A vote for me is a vote for unity.

EDIT: Just this morning (7/4/2012), CERN researchers announced that they have found a new particle which they believe is the elusive Higgs Boson. This momentous discovery confirms some of our understanding of matter in the universe and will open up new lines of inquiry for further discoveries.

Even though this took place before I will take office, as a politician I’m prepared to take full credit for supporting this discovery.

AMERICA CAN’T AFFORD TO IGNORE ITS MAD SCIENTISTS ANY LONGER.

 

*I’m not really a scientist or a politician. This is a work of social satire. Don’t actually vote for me: if I really wanted your vote, I’d just use my mind-control ray.

I’m a mad scientist, and I want to be your president.*

Yes, I am one of THOSE mad scientists who creates insane doomsday machines and crazy lizard monsters, but I stand before you (or, rather, sit before my keyboard if you want to get all literal) to tell you that I’m also mad in the sense that I’m angry. Very angry. And just this once I think I’ll try politics before resorting to flying cyborg monkeys.

For too long the two major parties have ignored the important scientific issues that touch each and every one of us personally. No longer! With your support, I intend to lead America to a brighter, shinier future with far, far more robots and more flying cars. But more importantly, far less stupidity.

As a candidate in this election, I hope to shift the debate away from such petty, abstract issues such as the economy and gerrymandering, and shift it towards the real, important things that will change our lives today and in the future. Here are some of the issues I intend to stump for:

• Economy: we can’t afford to outsource our scientific future. Let’s make a particle collider so big it’ll give Europe boson-envy.
• Healthcare: why you’re a freaking idiot if you don’t vaccinate your child.
• International diplomacy: building better doomsday devices.
• Military: robot soldiers are the way to go.
• Global climate change: 98% of scientists never agree about anything… but they agree about this. What does that tell you?
• NASA: We now pay the Russians to fly our astronauts into space. Are you frakking kidding me? We can do better!

I’m sick and tired of politicians on both sides pandering to the denialists and distracting the public with petty social squabbles. Science is our burden, our mess, and our best hope for a better future. If you agree, tweet this, post this, email it, and leave me comments. The important thing is that you tell your friends, tell your co-workers, and tell your political leaders.

Let’s bring science back into the public debate.

AMERICA CAN’T AFFORD TO IGNORE ITS MAD SCIENTISTS ANY LONGER.

 

*I’m not really a scientist or a politician. This is a work of social satire. Don’t actually vote for me: if I really wanted your vote, I’d use my mind-control ray.