All the tweets I would have sent if I hadn’t forgotten to take my phone to Universal Studios

After forgetting my phone on my California vacation, I had to hand-write all the things I wanted to tweet, just like some kind of cave-man. Here’s what I would have tweeted from Universal Studios.

optimus

Universal Studios

  • Universal rules. The new Transformers ride helped me feel like I’ve achieved a lifelong dream of being in the middle of a fight between giant robots.
  • Got threatened by a 10 foot tall megatron. But he ran off when he heard Optimus Prime was on his way.
  • A 10 foot Optimus Prime certified my status as an Autobot. You might say it was a… transformative experience.
  • Optimus Prime discussed oldschool transformers with me. He asked me if I liked Rodimus Prime and I missed my chance to tell him Rodimus is a whiney baby. But we agree that Grimlock is awesome.
  • I found myself utterly unprepared to actually converse with Optimus Prime. This was not pre-recorded stuff. I wish I had the wits to have interacted with him more than just nodding and smiling a lot.
  • While I spoke with Optimus, my wife flirted with Bumblebee. I’m not threatened. Bee’s a good guy.
  • Despicable Me Minion Madness is an absolutely wonderful ride. It was worth replacing the old Terminator stage&screen show to add this attraction.
  • Universal Studios should consider changing its name to “The 3-D Motion Simulation Ride Park.” Most of their best attractions were variations on that theme.
  • Simpsons ride is one of the best. And I love that they satirized of all aspects of theme parks while at the same time being part of a theme park. Very true to the Simspons soul.
  • Tram ride massively expanded and upgraded. There was even a 3-D motion simulation portion on this one, too: King Kong vs. T-Rexes—very cool!
  • Jurassic park ride! The ride that taught me to love flume rides. (I already know I loved dinosaurs, though)
  • I calculated that it should take a little more than 2 seconds to drop 84 feet straight down, so I decided to try to count seconds to see how long the flume takes. The problem is that it turns out fear makes me count faster. I think I got to “twelve-one-thousand” in the three or four seconds it took us to plummet.

And here I must break from the Twitter conceit to tell the story of a little girl who sat next to me on the Jurassic Park ride.

Soaking wet after the Jurassic Park ride.

Soaking wet after the Jurassic Park ride.

Me: are you riding this alone?

Little Girl: Yeah. My dad’s a chicken.

Me: Well, will you protect me from the dinosaurs?

LG: The dinosaurs scare me!

Me: What about the 84 foot nearly vertical drop at the end of the ride?

LG: Oh, that’s nothing. At 6 Flags, I went on a ride that was a 260 foot straight drop.

Then we came to the Apatosauruses lazily chewing on ferns. This girl and buried her face in my shoulder. She cowered when we passed the stegosaurs, and shrieked when the spitters spat at us.

Me (with white knuckles): Uh oh, here comes the drop!

Girl: Let go of the safety bar, because the drop is more fun if you put your hands in the air! But don’t put them too high at first, because you don’t want the monster [the t-rex] to get them.

So, I learned that different people fear different things. She screams like a little girl at the sight of animatronic dinosaurs and I scream like a little girl when in free fall. Of course, she IS a little girl, which leaves me without much of an excuse.

Next post: pretending to be a grown-up in California

About Sechin Tower

Sechin Tower is a teacher, game developer, and author of MAD SCIENCE INSTITUTE, a novel of creatures, calamities, and college matriculation. He lives in Seattle, Washington.
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