We all know that mad scientists are cool because they invent loveable doomsday machines or adorable mind-control devices. But once in a while, there’s someone who takes it too far and makes himself a total ass-hat. It’s even worse when it’s multi-generational, because cruelty doesn’t get funnier when there’s no end in sight. Can you guess who I’m thinking of? If you said Kim Jong-un, the current ruler of North Korea, you win the bobble-head doll.
The utter despicableness of these military dictators isn’t exactly breaking news, but what you might not know is that some of it is morbidly funny. Make no mistake: the situation of North Korea and its people is no laughing matter, but the public relations of these dictators are so overblown and misguided that they deserve public ridicule, and lots of it.
The Kims have a mind-control machine, but not the kind made out of a metal spaghetti colander and a bunch of wires. No, theirs is the old fashioned kind: the media. They issue propaganda of the sort that makes Chuck Norris jokes seem un-ambitious. Here are only a few of the incredible claims and crazy deeds they have attempted to foist upon the world:
- Kim Il-sung (Kim Jong-un’s grandfather) had a fake city built on the border to South Korea to show their superiority. No one has ever lived there: the buildings are all empty concrete shells.
- Kim Jong-il (Jong-un’s father) kidnapped a South Korean film maker and forced him to make propaganda movies, including a Godzilla-like film that demonized western capitalism.
- North Korean school textbooks teach that Kim Jong-il did not excrete urine or feces. No doubt these will be updated to say the same of their current ruler, Jong-un
- Kim Jong-un confirmed that his father scored a perfect 300 the first time he ever bowled. (Funny, no one in the family looks that athletic.)
- Korean newspapers claim that Kim Jong-un is “born of heaven.”
The sad thing is that there is a whole nation of people who are subjected to these “facts” as the one and only truth. They have to obey or die, and they’ll go on to teach their children to obey just the same, for who knows how many generations.
I take comfort in the words of Mahatma Ghandi that all dictators eventually fall… and with this kind of delusional grand-standing it’s hard to see how jokers like the Kim dynasty could hold their crumbling country together much longer. Let’s all hope that’s the case.
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