Mars colony: celebrity edition

By David A. Aguilar (CfA) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

Everybody wants to send humans to Mars but nobody wants to pay for it. Here’s my modest proposal: make the first space colony a celebrity reality show.

NASA is always complaining that budget cuts have been hard on them. But what have they done to earn the tiny fraction of a percent of our tax dollars that they once received? I mean, besides provide satellite technology, remote-explore Mars, keep the country on the cutting edge of technology, provide jobs, and seek out answers to the fundamental questions about our planet and our universe. If you ignore all that stuff, it’s pretty clear they need to start earning their keep.


The American Way

NASA can get funding the American way. No, not through hard work and ingenuity—geez, what America are you thinking of? I mean the REAL American way, which means trashy television that seeks out the worst people among us and rewards them with fame and fortune.

All they need to do is follow the example of so many basic cable networks: simply gather up a bunch of D-list celebrities, has-been singers, and talentless sex-pots, put them in a confined space (like a space ship) and let the cameras roll.

I’d tune in to see that. Heck, I’d even watch the webisode extras.


Vote ‘Em Off

Better still would be if we, as viewers, could vote for who goes. It would be kind of like American Idol in that we get to call in for our favorites, but also like survivor in that we’re voting them off the figurative island. And this time “the island” is planet Earth.

I don’t know about you, but I think people like the Kardashians aren’t doing anything down here except using up perfectly good oxygen, so we might as well send them to some other planet to do that.

Even if they wouldn’t be any more useful in space, at least it would be hilarious to see them trying to operate a zero-gee toilet.

See? Wouldn’t NASA be better off resorting to these kinds of stunts in order to maintain their operating budget? I think the answer is obvious.


Tell me what you think of my modest proposal in a comment.

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About Sechin Tower

Sechin Tower is a teacher, game developer, and author of MAD SCIENCE INSTITUTE, a novel of creatures, calamities, and college matriculation. He lives in Seattle, Washington.
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2 Responses to Mars colony: celebrity edition

  1. Brian says:

    I think this is a great idea. Although I personally wouldn’t stop with just the Kardashians. I might also include network executives who have done nothing for us except to cancel shows that some of us still want to watch, like Firefly. Maybe toss a few conspiracy theorists in there, and half of Congress. Maybe we can watch some politician try to filibuster his way on to the next shuttle back to Earth.

    The only problem I see with this idea is, that at the end of the day, I’d be tempted to start an online petition to add a third option to the voting procedure. 3. Jettison out airlock And then, I might be tempted to advocate its use. And that just seems like a rather slippery slope that I don’t need to start down.

  2. Mark McClure says:

    Mars? Why not “go Dutch”?
    This is a one-way trip for the foreseeable future…

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