A Quarantine for Ignorance

I’m a mad scientist, and I want to be your president.*

Not long ago, a school not too far from me closed down for two days because 10% of their students were out sick with pertussis, an illness better known as whooping cough.

I have one simple question: Are they frakking idiots?

Never mind, I already know the answer. I don’t object to closing their doors—sometimes it’s necessary to quarantine potentially deadly, highly infectious diseases such as pertussis, Ebola, and ignorance. My objection is that there is a vaccine for whooping cough, which means that we could eradicate this disease from the face of the earth, totally and forever, the way we laid the smackdown on smallpox. But we haven’t.


Gambling the Lives of Babies?

The fact that so many students got sick was because at least that many weren’t immunized. That is just plain stupid, because even if you don’t mind the cough yourself, pertussis can be fatal if it is passed on to young children. That means every single parent at that school was gambling the lives of babies.

I’m against baby-gambling, whether it be through illness or through a bookie. I’m going out on a limb to say it’s wrong.


Denial of Science = Sickness

Now, I’m not such a vaccine-freak that I’m going to call you a bad person if you don’t get a flu shot every single year (The CDC recommends it, but the flu isn’t too bad as these things go, so have fun with it). What really concerns me is the denialists who think that vaccines—all vaccines—are more dangerous than the diseases they prevent.

The problem is that a few years ago some loud-mouth blow-hards made a big stink about vaccinations being dangerous. Well, take it from this loud-mouthed blow-hard: their claims were based on faulty data. Vaccines have been rigorously tested and there’s no evidence that they cause autism or mind-control or whatever they claim is supposed to happen. One thing is clear: vaccines sure as heck cause a lot less harm than polio, small pocks, and all the other bad oogies that they prevent.

Pen & Teller say the same thing in a more amusing way.  (Pen & Teller also endorse my candidacy… or, I’m pretty sure they would if I ever asked them. I’d vote for them, so it only seems fair.)

What we need is a president who will stand up for a service campaign to re-educate the public. I am that candidate. In fact, I’ll even go one better: I want to declare genocidal war on disease. If we can immunize against it, we can drive it into extinction.

Until there’s a cure for ignorance, there’s a prevention for pertussis.

If you have a baby, know someone with a baby, or know someone who might be breathing anywhere near someone who might know someone with a baby, then please get yourself immunized. It’s cheap: even without insurance it’s usually about $30 and most plans cover it completely. It only takes a few minutes and you can do so at almost any pharmacy.

Please, think about the children. If we can’t pull together to combat something we have a vaccine for, then how are we going to combat the zombie plague?


Be sure to follow this RSS feed to keep up on the Mad Science campaign tour! The road to the White House shall be paved by robots.

*I’m not really a scientist or a politician. This is a work of social satire. Don’t actually vote for me: if I really wanted your vote, I’d just use my mind-control ray.

About Sechin Tower

Sechin Tower is a teacher, game developer, and author of MAD SCIENCE INSTITUTE, a novel of creatures, calamities, and college matriculation. He lives in Seattle, Washington.
This entry was posted in Mad Scientist for President and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to A Quarantine for Ignorance

  1. Sechin Tower says:

    Just to be fair, here’s an opinion from the other side of the debate:

Leave a Reply