My fellow Mad-Scientist Americans,
This summer, it seems like we’ve had an Avagadro’s number of totally awesome super hero movies, and it is good to see that the spandex-clad members of this distinctly American ethnic group are finally getting the recognition and acceptance they deserve. I’d like to take a moment to reflect on the gifts they have given society and to point out that they are not so different from the mad scientists they so commonly battle.
Mad Scientists Versus Super heroes?
All too often, super hero stories vilify mad scientists… or do they? Think about where your favorite cape-jockeys get their special powers:
- Superman is from a distant planet (Bet you’d never guess that the Martian Manhunter does, too!)
- Laboratory accidents gave unique abilities to the Hulk, Spiderman, Flash, and countless others
- Successful experiments produced Captain America and gave Wolverine his adamantium bone-coating
- All of the X-Men attribute their power to the science of genetics
- Two of the greatest heroes of our age, Batman and Ironman, have no powers—except for what they invent for themselves
Yes, I’m reaching across the aisle to make this bold statement: super heroes and mad scientists must bury this old rivalry. Why? Because more often than not super heroes ARE mad scientists.
Super hero inventions drive our economy.
Even with their secrets are lost, closely guarded, or provided by aliens, the inventions of super heroes create the jobs of tomorrow, and the collateral damage from their fighting funds the construction industry today.
In short, not only do super heroes protect us from space-monsters and evil-doers, they also put America on the cutting edge, now and in the future.
When I’m Elected President…
I will grant tax incentives to all heroes whose power derives from science (sorry, Wonder Woman: that invisible jet is pretty neat, but magic doesn’t count). I will also create programs to bring more super-science to inner cities schools —where we need super heroes the most.
A VOTE FOR MAD SCIENTISTS IS A VOTE FOR SUPER HEROES.
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*I’m not really a scientist or a politician. This is a work of social satire. Don’t actually vote for me: if I really wanted your vote, I’d just use my mind-control ray.